Zulu's Again!!!

Zulu was appointed sales person at a local General Dealer's store.
While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they
had peach jam to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock."
At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in
disgruntlement.

It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking
on, called Zulu aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a
product that is out of stock, you apologize for its
unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product.
For instance in this case it was peach jam; offer other types of
jam like plum jam, guava jam and so on."
Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper.

 
Zulu politely replied, "I am sorry ma'am we do not have any toilet
paper right now but you could try carbon paper, copy paper or sand
paper.

Bragging about Kids................

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party after several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ..What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

A Joke With A Twist!!!!!!

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock
to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman
and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And
he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and
continue feeling good.

Male readers : Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife .

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that
women never listen!!!

TEACHER

The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "I L U" written on it. She asks who left the apple, and little Anna raises her hand. "Well, sweetie, what does 'I L U' mean?" The little girl replies, "I love you." The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet" and continues with class.

The next day the teacher finds cherries on her desk with the letters "
?Y A S" written on it. She asks who left the cherries and what the letters mean. Charlie raises his hand and says, "It means, ' you are special.'"
"Thank you sweetheart," the teacher says.

The following day, the Teacher walks in to find a huge banana with the letters ?F..U..C..K? written on it. The enraged teacher asks who left it. Little Gatiep raises his hand and cheerfully says, "Yes ma'am, I left it... It means, ?From Us Coloured Kids.?

Most Embarrasing Tales!!!

Tania Roux: Left a wedding (drunk) and called the groom Wayne instead of Nick. Good friends of ours too. True story!
Michelle Mollett: "When are you due?" And she's not.
Padmini Bhikha: When I asked my grey haired gynae if the kids in the photos in his office were his grandchildren and he replied " Those are my kids, I am still young enough to produce not only to deliver"
Ayanda Khumalo: ?"Shut UP" I said that to my mother-in-law when she was scolding my son for breaking a window...I mean yes she had to do it but it was too much for me to take it.
Antoinette Marais: I phoned a company to speak to their manager. The lady said unfortunately he is late. I asked her what time will he be at the office? She said he is LATE, he passed away. I felt so embarrassed!
Tesh Pillay: when my daughter was too young to understand what sanitary pad was I told her it was mommy’s diaper, only to find it all over the living room floor and finding her telling my father in law that these are mommy’s diapers I was soooo embarrassed
Tanja Gerber Weber: As a young beauty therapy student, the lecturer was demonstrating "extractions", (beautician speak for squeezing your pimples) and i piped up from the back "clear the building, we're gonna pop this sucker". The shocked silence was deafening.
Refiloe Bahumi: Said to a mother of a girl in my class. Congratulations! (For pregnancy) she wasn't pregnant. I started laughing and apologising at the same time out of embarrassment. Luckily she laughed with me!
Nina Same: It was earth hour so my housemates and I played truth or dare. I don't know how but I confessed to urinating in the shower, they were mortified, was so embarrassed. They made me use dettol on the shower floor after showering for weeks!
And the winner is…
Thando Kubheka: I said "Ayoba" right after praying for dinner instead of saying "Amen" and my mom gave me the strangest look ever.

What Is Butt Dust???

What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3)
was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5)
asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3)
hugged and kissed his Mom good night... 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4)
had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4)
was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4)
stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.'
Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'


Make sure you pass this one on and spread the smiles...

Koala And A Lizard!!!!!

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,

'Faaaaaaaak dude.....
How much water did you drink!?'